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I 


Melinda  and  Her  Sisters 


BY 

MRS.   O.   H.   P.   BELMONT 

AND 

ELSA  MAXWELL 

MUSIC  AND  LYRICS  BY 
ELSA  MAXWELL 


First  Produced  at  the   Waldorf  Astoria 
February  18,  1916 


NEW  YORK 

ROBERT  J.  SHORES,  Publisher 

1916 


Copyrighted,  1916,  by 
ROBERT  J.  SHORES,  Publisher 

Printed  February,  1916 


VAIL-BALLOU     COMPANY 
PINGHAMTON  AND  NEW  YOKK 


n 


CAST 

Mrs.  John  Pepper,  of  Oshkosh  out  West.  A  common 
grasping  climber  belonging  to  the  nouveaux  riches  type. 

Mr.  John  Pepper,  her  husband,  who  would  have  been  nice 
if  let  alone.  An  honest,  shy,  sad,  sort  of  man.  Father 
of  eight  daughters. 

Nellie  Pepper,  beautiful,  vivacious,  with  a  talent  for 
dancing.  Later  called  Terpsichore.  (Classic  dancer.) 
She  is  accompanied  by  her  friends  Taglione,  Pavlowa, 
Karsavina,  Adelaide,  Kattorana,  etc. 

Annie  Pepper,  charming,  though  misguided.  She  has  tal- 
ent for  operatic  singing.     Later  called  Sympharosa. 

DoLLiE  Pepper,  comically  tragic,  who  would  be  a  second 
Rachel.  Later  called  Iphigenia.  Accompanied  by 
Sophocles. 

PoLLiE  Pepper,  very  engaging,  with  a  talent  for  ball-room 
dancing.  Later  called  Orchesteria.  Accompanied  by 
Narcissus  and  friends. 

MoLLiE  Pepper,  looks  like  she  sounds.  Talent  for  sports. 
Later  called  Atalanta.  Accompanied  by  Europa  and 
Diana. 

Bessie  Pepper,  sprightly  and  rather  silly,  who  would  be 
a  musical  comedy  star.  Later  called  Ariadne.  Ac- 
companied by  Bacchus. 

Bettie  Pepper,  a  would-be  poetess.  Called  Sappho.  Ac- 
companied by  Praxiteles. 

Melinda,  the  youngest  daughter. 

Mrs.  Grundy,       i  ^.ju        gossips. 
Mrs.  Malaprop,   ( 

Dr.  Doolittle,  the  village  doctor. 


334625 


CAST 

Mayor  Dooless,  the  village  Mayor. 

The  Rev.  Wontstop,  the  village  preacher, 

Mrs.  Knowitall,  the  village  school  teacher. 

Mr.  Vermifuge,  the  village  Vet. 

An  Old  Lady. 

Butler. 

Little  Children,  Factory  Girls,  etc.,  friends  of  Melinda. 

Chorus  of  Servants,  etc. 


MELINDA  AND   HER 
SISTERS 

[The  Scene  is  laid  in  a  pretentious  gar- 
den in  the  more  pretentious  villa  of  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Pepper  in  a  remote  toivn  out 
West.  Preparation  for  a  fete  is  in  evi- 
dence. Servants  are  hustling  about  ar- 
ranging chairs,  tables  for  refreshments, 
hanging  Chinese  lanterns,  etc.] 

[Enter  Mrs.  Malaprop  followed  by 
Mrs.  Grundy] 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
This   is   where  they   are  holding  the   levee   this 
afternoon.     I   do  wish   I   knew  who  accepted  and 

who  refused. 

I 


2  MELINDA'  AND  HER  SISTERS 


Mrs.  Grundy 
You  are  quite  right,  my  dear;  one  can  never  be 
too  careful  about  acceptances.     People  are  inclined 
to  accept  far  too  many  things,  when  it's  a  question 
of  the  honest  though  rich. 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
And  an  unnecessarily  large  amount  of   refusals 
when  it's  a  question  of  the  deserving  but  dishonest 
poor. 

Mrs.  Grundy 
Malvina  Malaprop,  why  did  you  condescend  to 
honor  the  Peppers  with  your  presence  today? 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
Simply  for  the  same  reason  you  did,  my  dear. 

Both  in  Chorus 
Curiosity ! 

Mrs.  Grundy 
Oh,  curiosity  is  such  a  comforting  passion  —  the 
only  one  which  has  not  grown  out  of  fashion. 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  3 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
People's  hair,  teeth,  even  their  eyes,  have  been 
known  to  change  color  at  various  intervals  in  life, 
but  curiosity,  like  the  Mississippi,  goes  on  forever. 

Mrs.  Grundy 
Curiosity  is  nature's  legacy  to  Woman. 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
The  only  trait  in  which  she  is  consistent.     How 
much  are  they  worth,  my  dear? 

Mrs.  Grundy 
I  don't  know,  but  John  Pepper  must  have  put  by 
a  tidy  sum. 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
Have  they  money  enough  to  move  East  and  buy 
a  Villa  at  Newport? 

Mrs.  Grundy 
It  doesn't  take  money  to  get  a  Villa  at  Newport ; 
it  takes  brains. 


4  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
Well,  it  takes  brains  to  make  money. 

Mrs.  Grundy 
Any  fool  can  make  money;  it  takes  a  clever  per- 
son to  spend  it. 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
No  one  with  money  ever  has  troubles. 

Mrs.  Grundy 
No,  but  the  trouble  that  the  moneyed  classes  are 
causing  us  is  simply  terrible.  Take  these  Peppers. 
Who  v^as  Mr.  John  Pepper?  A  nobody,  a  nonen- 
tity, and  then  one  day  he  found  out  that  glue  was 
good  to  stick  things  with,  and  he  has  stuck  ever 
since,  till  glue  and  Mrs.  Pepper  produced  him  eight 
daughters,  four  bathrooms,  three  chow  dogs,  a  man- 
sard roof,  a  real  English  butler,  and  a  Victrola,  and 
now  we  have  to  receive  them  into  our  holy  of  holies, 
along  with  his  stuck-up  wife  —  simply  because  of 
glue. 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  5 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
Well,  my  dear,  there's  one  consolation.  If  it 
hadn't  been  glue  it  would  have  been  something 
equally  as  sticky.  Look  how  far  jam  has  taken 
some  people;  and  marmalade  has  lent  a  wonderful 
cache  to  various  family  trees. 

Mrs.  Grundy 
Wheatena  once  had  a  certain  social  significance, 
but  it's  strange  how  even  industries  change.  Really 
marriage  is  the  only  industry  which  never  goes  out 
of  date,  but  even  now  I  don't  see  how  these  Pep- 
pers get  on  and  I  don't  think  her  hair  is  as  honest 
as  she  says. 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
Never  believe  what  a  woman's  hair  has  to  say. 
Hair  is  notoriously  untruthful. 

Mrs.  Grundy 
No,  but  hair  covers  a  multitude  of  sins.     They 
sav  that  in  New  York  women  can  have  their  hair 


6  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

any  color  they  like  as  long  as  it  suits  the  color  of 
the  dog  they're  wearing. 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
People  don't  wear  dogs ;  they  carry  them. 

Mrs.  Grundy 
Not  in   New  York.     Everything  is  worn  there. 
They  even  wear  their  motor  cars  when  they  go  call- 
ing. 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
Yes,    the    honest,    though    rich,    certainly    have 
things  their  own  way  in  this  country.     Well,  I  sup- 
pose we  must  admit  the  Peppers  into  society  today. 
The  party  is  to  present  the  girls,  isn't  it  ? 

Mrs.  Grundy 
Yes,  Nellie,  Annie,  Dolly,  Polly,  Mollie,  Bessie, 
and  Betty.  They  are  returning  today  from  their 
finishing  schools  abroad.  Nellie  they  have  called 
Euphonia;  just  what  that  means  I  don't  know,  but 
she  is  supposed  to  be  a  great  dancer;  and  Annie 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  7 

they  have  called  Sympharosa.  She  is  supposed  to 
be  able  to  strike  high  C  every  time  she  sings.  Then 
there's  Dolly,  who  has  been  in  Paris,  studying  to  be 
a  second  Bernhardt.  They  call  her  Iphigenia.  I 
can't  speak  it,  but  this  is  the  way  it's  spelled.  Then 
Polly  they  have  called  Orchesteria.  They  say  she 
looks  just  like  Mrs.  Castle,  and  dances  better  too. 
Molly  Pepper  they  call  Atalanta.  It's  about  some 
Greek  woman  who  lost  a  race  running  for  a  street 
car  or  something  like  that.  They  say  she  plays  a 
good  game  of  golf,  can  swim  across  the  Mediter- 
ranean, and  is  versatile  in  the  latest  profanity.  She's 
been  at  Newport  lately.  Bessie  Pepper  they  call 
Ariadne.  She's  going  to  shine  in  musical  comedy, 
and  Betty  Pepper  writes  wonderful  poems.  They 
are  so  wonderful  that  they  never  get  published. 
They  call  her  Sappho,  but  I  don't  think  it's  hardly 
proper. 

Mrs.  Malaprop 

And  where  is  Melinda?  Has  she  no  talents  to 
cultivate  like  her  sisters ;  has  she  no  ambition  to 
shine  socially  and  make  a  good  match? 


8  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Mrs.  Grundy 
Hush !     They  don't  mention  Melinda  nowadays. 
She  is  the  skeleton  in  the  closet  of  the  Peppers. 
There's  a  great  mystery  here  and  I  should  like  to 
pry  it  out. 

[Duet:  ''Don't  Gossip''  and  exeunt] 
[Mr.  and  Mrs.  Pepper  enter  to  oversee 
the  preparations  going  on.  Mrs.  Pep- 
per is  very  arrogant  and  overdressed,  zvith 
an  affected  accent  of  ultra  refinement  and 
exaggerated  dignity  of  bearing.  Mr.  Pep- 
per is  meek  and  depressed  with  a  depreca- 
tory manner  and  near-sighted] 

Mrs.  Pepper 
Now,  Papa  Pepper,  what  have  you  got  to  say  for 
yourself?  Look  what  you've  been  brought  to  by 
your  fond  and  doting  wife.  Here  you  are  just  like 
one  of  those  Lords  you  read  about  in  the  Tatler. 
Today  is  the  day  of  which  I  have  always  dreamed, 
and  thought  of,  and  prayed  to  come  true.  There 
are  our  beautiful  girls  coming  back  full  of  their  new 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  9 

accomplishments  that  are  sure  to  get  them  all  good 
husbands,  and  elect  them  to  the  new  Colony  Club 
when  we  arrive  East.  As  for  you,  you  don't  need 
clubs.     And  you  had  better  resign  from  the  Elks. 

Mr.  Pepper 
Why,  I  always  found  the  Elks  most  useful,  my 
dear. 

Mrs.  Pepper 
No   woman's   husband  at  all  prominent   socially 
ever  belongs  to  the  Elks. 

Mr.  Pepper 
But  a  man  must  belong  to  some  club;  it's  his 
recreation. 

Mrs.  Pepper 
No,  the  only  recreation  for  a  man  nowadays  is  to 
help  his  wife  make  a  social  success.  That's  the  only 
thing  that  really  counts.  To  be  a  success  socially 
is  the  stepping  stone  to  the  higher  life:  Publicity. 
And  I  am  going  to  see  to  it  that  our  girls  get  all  the 


10  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

advertising  that  the  morning  paper  can  print.  That 
will  get  them  good  husbands,  if  anything  will.  Pub- 
licity is  the  very  keynote  of  life  nowadays. 

Mr.  Pepper 
[Shaking  head] 
But,  my  dear,  there  is  surely  something  else  in 
life  for  our  girls  than  merely  to  make  good  matches. 

Mrs.  Pepper 
More  ?  Papa  Pepper,  what  do  you  mean  ?  What 
more  could  there  be  in  Hfe  than  that  our  girls  should 
enjoy  themselves,  find  amusement,  and  associate 
with  the  best  people?  That  was  more  than  I  ex- 
pected when  I  married  you,  John  Pepper,  and  al- 
though I  did  washing  then  and  we  lived  in  a  shack 
in  the  valley,  now  we  have  a  mansion  on  the  hill. 

Mr.  Pepper 
Where  is  Melinda? 

Mrs.  Pepper 
[Stopping  him  peremptorily] 

Hush!     Don't  speak  of  Melinda  today.     Think 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  ii 

of  Euphonia's  new  Paquin  frock.     I  do  hope  the 
color  will  match  our  best  candle  shades. 

Mr.  Pepper 
But  Melinda  .  .  . 

Mrs.  Pepper 
Think  of  Sympharosa's  new  tea  gown  — how  that 
will  dazzle  the  Village  Vet ! 

Mr.  Pepper 
[Internipting] 
I  wish  you  wouldn't  call  them  by  those  new-fan- 
gled names.     I  don't  recognize  my  little  Nellie  and 
Annie  in  such  highfalutin  titles. 

Mrs.  Pepper  ^ 

Hush,  John.     That's  what  they  call  '  i-ouveaux 
art "  or  something  of  the  sort. 

Mr.  Pepper 
Now  Melinda  to  me  is  a  beautiful  name.     Where 
is  Melinda? 


12  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Mrs.  Pepper 
I  told  you  we  would  not  discuss  Melinda  today. 

Mr.  Pepper 
But  I  do  hope  the  girls  will  be  real  ladies  after 
their  expensive  education. 

Mrs.  Pepper 
Education?     What   has   that  got   to   do   with   a 
lady  ?     When  I  married  you  I  had  no  education  and 
yet  I  was  a  perfect  lady  just  the  same,  Mr.  John 
Pepper. 

Mr.  Pepper 
So  you  have  told  me  before,  my  dear.     But  I  do 
hope  the  girls  will  be  kind-hearted. 

Mrs.  Pepper 
Kind-hearted  ?     Did  you  ever  hear  of  a  lady  that 
was    kind-hearted?     You    are    too    old    fashioned, 
John.     They   don't  teach   such  things   at  finishing 
schools  nowadays. 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  13 

Mr.  Pepper 
Well,  at  least  I  hope  they  have  good  minds  and 
retentive  memories. 

Mrs.  Pepper 
Good  gracious,  John,  you  expect  the  impossible. 
And  besides  it  is  very  bad  form  to  remember  any- 
thing nowadays  and,  so  far  as  knowledge  goes,  we 
don't  send  our  girls  to  school  to  learn  anything,  for 
a  perfect  lady  should  know  absolutely  nothing.  It 
creates  an  atmosphere  of  mystery  and  elusive 
charm.  That's  what  men  like  in  a  woman.  She 
should  know  nothing,  think  nothing,  say  nothing, 
but  dress  well,  look  well,  and  dance. 

Mr.  Pepper 
[Interrupting] 
But  haven't  our  girls  been  brought  up  to  learn  to 
become  good  wives  and  mothers? 

Mrs.  Pepper 
Hush !     Don't  be  so  indelicate,  John.     No  well- 
bred  woman  at  all  prominent  socially  ever  associates 


14  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

motherhood  with  marriage.  The  duty  of  young 
people  who  marry  is  to  give  more  expensive  lunch- 
eons than  their  neighbors  and  at  least  have  two 
members  of  the  Castoria  family  at  her  Thursday 
afternoons  once  a  month.  That  is  the  duty  of 
every  self-respecting  young  married  woman  today. 

Mr.  Pepper 
Well,  I  give  it  up.     I  thought  at  least  when  two 
young  people  married  they  lived  for  their  children 
and  each  other. 

Mrs.  Pepper 
Each   other?     How    vulgar!     Any   woman    who 
sits  at  the  same  table  with  her  own  husband  more 
than  once  a  week  is  simply  declassee.     That's  the 
iron  social  rule  laid  down  last  season  in  Newport. 

Mr.  Pepper 
But  whom  do  wives  dine  with,  if  not  with  their 
husbands? 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  15 

Mrs.  Pepper 
Why,  with  other  women's  husbands,  of  course. 
That  is  what  marriage  is  for. 

Mr.  Pepper 
[Sadly] 
Well,  things  have  changed  since  I  was  a  boy. 

Mrs.  Pepper 
And  since  I  was  a  girl,  thank  Heaven ! 

[Duet:  ''Since  I  Was  a  Boy  and  a 
GirV] 

[Guests  begin  to  arrive  and  the  orches- 
tra strikes  up  popular  tunes.  There  is 
much  hustling  about  and  the  large  and 
portly  butler  announces  the  various  social 
celebrities  as  they  enter] 

[Enter  Mrs.  Grundy] 


i6  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Butler 
[In  loud  voice] 
Her  Grace  The  Duchess  of  Grundy !     [In  a  loud 
aside  to  Mrs.  Grundy].     Beg  pardon,  ma'am,  but 
my  mistress  does  love  the  sound  of  a  title. 
[Enter  Mrs.  Malaprop] 

Butler 

[In  loud  voice] 
Her  Serene  Highness  Princess  Malaprop ! 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
[Objecting] 
You  made  a  mistake,  my  man. 

Butler 
[Apologetically] 
Them's  me  h'orders,  ma'am;  so  Princess  you  are 
whether  you  like  it  or  not. 

[Mrs.  Malaprop  retires  bewildered  and 
joins  Mrs.  Grundy] 
[Enter  Dr.  Doolittle] 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  17 

Butler 
[In  loud  voice] 
His  Grace  The  Duke  of  Doolittle ! 

Dr.  Doolittle 
[Spluttering] 
But,  my  good  man,  I  am  the  village  doctor. 

Butler 
[Firmly] 

You  are  the  village  Duke  today. 

[Dr.  Doolittle,  protesting,  joins  Mrs. 
Malaprop  and  Mrs.  Grundy] 
[Enter  Reverend  Wontstop] 

Butler 
His  Excellency  Canon  Wontstop! 

Reverend  Wontstop 
Canon?     I  am  a  man  of  peace,  sir! 


i8  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Butler 
[Serenely] 
Never  mind,  you  won't  gg  off. 

[Enter  Mrs.  Knowitall] 

Butler 
Her    Royal    Highness    The    Grand    Duchess    of 
Knowitall ! 

Mrs.  Knowitall 
[Beaming] 

How  sweet  it  sounds !     I  always  fancied  myself 
with  a  title. 

Reverend  Wontstop 
What  a  delightful  custom !     In  imagination  I  am 
already  of  royal  blood. 

Dr.  Doolittle 
And  why  not?    America  is  really  the  greatest 
monarchy  of  all.     Our  society  is  the  most  expensive 
to  get  into. 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  19 

Mrs.  Knowitall 

And  to  get  out  of. 

[Enter  Mayor  Dooless] 

Butler 
His    Excellency   The    Most    High    Lord    Mayor 
Dooless  of  Oshkosh! 

Mayor 
[Tipping  Butler  heavily] 
How  pleasant  it  is  to  be  treated  with  a  dignity  one 
really  deserves! 

Mrs.  Knowitall 
We  were  just  saying  what  delightful  restrictions 
exist  in  this  country  of  ours.  It  is  so  nice  to  be 
born  in  a  position  which  enables  one  to  cut  others. 
That  is  the  real  higher  education  for  women :  to 
know  just  who  and  where  and  when  to  cut  people. 
For  instance,  if  I  am  in  the  orchestra  and  Mrs. 
Malaprop  is  in  the  stage  box  of  the  village  Opera 
House,  I  can  bow  to  her  without  exciting  comment, 


20  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

but  if  the  positions  were  reversed,  I  could  not.     If 
you  know  a  woman  on  Fifth  Avenue,  you  must  not 
recognize  her  on  Sixth.     It  wouldn't  do. 
[Enter  Mr.  Vermifuge] 

Butler 
The  Honorable  Mr.  Vermifuge! 

Mr.  Vermifuge 
Dear  me,  dear  me!  Sounds  quite  exciting!  As 
a  matter  of  fact  I  am  late  because  Mrs.  Pepper's 
French  bull  was  suffering  from  a  slight  intestinal 
disorder.  I  am  so  sorry !  It  quite  slipped  out. 
One  should  not  mention  such  things  in  the  best  cir- 
cles. 

Mrs.  Knowitall 
[Soothingly] 
Oh,  that's  all  right,  my  dear  Vermifuge.  It's 
quite  in  fashion  now  to  mention  one's  ailments.  One 
talks  of  nothing  at  dinner  nowadays  but  the  effect 
of  each  course  upon  the  liver.  It  is  really  quite  ex- 
citing comparing  notes. 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  21 

Mayor  Dooless 
Oh,  yes,  the  insides  of  things  nowadays  form  the 
sole  topic  of  conversation.     People  have  talked  for 
centuries  about  the  outsides.     It  is  time  one  took  an 
interest  in  the  in. 

Mr.  Pepper 
[Almost  choking] 

Ladies  and  gentlemen  (choke)  friends.  This  is 
a  most  happy  occasion  and  Mrs.  (choke)  Pepper 
and  myself  feel  proud  in  the  thought  that  our 
daughters  are  here  to  share  with  us  the  pleasure  we 
feel  in  welcoming  you  to  our  humble  home. 

[Mr.  and  Mrs.  Pepper  come  down 
stage  and  greet  all  their  friends.  Loud 
voices  are  heard,  motor  horns,  cheering, 
and  music  begins] 

[Enter  Annie  as  Sympharosa  with  girl 
friends.  She  embraces  her  mother  and 
father,  bozvs  her  acknowledgments  to 
crowd,  and  sings  operatic  aria] 


22  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

[Enter  Nellie  as  Euphonia  with 
friends  as  Russian  ballet  girls.  In  chorus 
they  explain  that  Euphonia  hopes  to  make 
Pazdowa  take  a  hack  seat.  With  Russian 
music  Euphonia  executes  a  wild  barbaric 
pas  seul,  finishing  in  a  grand  final e\ 

[Enter  Molly  or  Atalanta  zmth 
friends  dressed  in  sport  costume  or  bath- 
ing dresses.  She  has  a  lively  song  with 
burlesque  of  bathing  or  golf  in  the  Busi- 
ness] 

[Enter  Dottie  or  Iphigenia  in  spotlight 
with  chorus.  She  is  very  tragic  and  does 
a  scene  from  the  '' Phedra  of  Racine''  or 
some  other  French  classic] 

[Enter  Pollie  or  Orchesteria  zvith 
chorus  and  man  dancing  partner.  They 
execute  a  modern  fox  trot.  While  in 
song,  chorus  explains] 

[Enter  Bessie  or  Ariadne  zvith  chorus 
dressed  as  modern  soubrette  in  a  musical 
comedy.     She  has  rather  a  gay  daring  lit- 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  23 

tie  song  and  dance,  at  the  finale  of  which 
all  the  sisters  are  congratulated  by  admir- 
ing audience] 

[Enter  Bettie  or  Sappho,  who  sings  on 
Greek  art  or  poetry] 

Seven  Girls 
[hi  chorus] 
Where's  Melinda?     Our  little  sister  Melinda  — 
where  is  she? 

Others 
[Echoing] 
Where    is    Melinda?     Has    she   changed   much? 
Has  she  no  accomplishments  ?     Has  she  not  learned 
to  act,  dance,  sing  or  play  ? 

Mrs.  Grundy 
[Sadly] 
Hush,  don't  mention  Melinda ! 

[At  that  moment  noise  of  a  brass  band 


24  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

is  heard  at  the  back  of  the  theater  in  the 
foyer.  There  is  cheering  and  shouting  of 
people  and  Melinda  appears  dressed  very 
plainly  hut  attractively  and  carrying  a  suf- 
frage Hag  with  children  of  the  poor  holding 
onto  her  skirt  and  men  and  women  in 
every  walk  of  life  following  her  in  the  pro- 
cession: laborers,  factory  girls,  salesladies, 
etc.  Neither  looking  to  the  left  nor  the 
right,  Melinda  marches  down  center  aisle 
zvith  her  little  army  and  onto  the  stage  to 
the  amazement  of  every  one  present.  Me- 
linda's  sisters  are  shocked  and  horrified] 

Mrs.  Pepper 
[Groaning  aloud] 
This  will  ruin  us.     Just  when  we  had  got  the  best 
people  up  to  our  house  on  the  hill. 

[Musical  Scene:  Little  children,  fac- 
tory girls,  and  shop  assistants:  ''  Our 
Friend  Melinda  Has  Promised/'  etc.] 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  25 

[Melinda  has  a  song:  "I  Am  Me- 
linda."  She  is  joined  in  the  chorus  by  her 
followers.  At  the  conclusion  of  song, 
zvith  great  earnestness  of  manner,  she 
kisses  her  sisters,  who  draw  hack  from  her 
suspiciously.  She  then  goes  to  her 
mother] 

Melinda 

[To  mother] 
Won't  you  welcome  me  home,  mother?     I  have 
marched  a  long  way  and  I  am  very  tired  but  not  so 
tired  as  some  of  my  friends  here  who  need  my  help 
and  yours. 

Mrs.  Grundy 

[In  loud  voice  to  Mrs.  Malaprop] 

Good  heavens,  I  actually  believe  the  creature's  a 

sufifragette !     No  wonder  they  never  spoke  of  her 

except  behind  closed  doors.     I  think  we  had  better 

be  going. 


26  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Mrs.  Malaprop 
Do  you  think  it  can  be  possible?     And  just  when 
we  had  taken  them  up  and  they  were  about  to  be- 
come our  equals  socially. 

Reverend  Wontstop 
[To  Mayor  Dooless] 
Do  you  think  she  will  become  violent?     I  have 
read  that  they  sometimes  do. 

Mayor  Dooless 
I  believe  you  are  right.     We  had  better  go  while 
we  are  safe  from  harm. 

Mrs.  Knowitall 

Oh,  there  is  no  danger.  They  talk  a  lot  but  they 
rarely  do  anything.  Women  only  fight  with  their 
tongues. 

Melinda 
[Catching  last  remark  and  speaking  in  clear  voice'] 
You    are    mistaken,    Mrs.    Knowitall.     Women 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  27 

nowadays  have  better  weapons  than  the  one  you 
mention.  We  fight,  it  is  true,  but  we  fight  with 
good  deeds,  with  love  of  humanity  as  our  sword 
and  justice  as  our  shield.  We  want  you  all  to  tear 
away  the  blinds  of  superstition  and  let  the  sun  of 
knowledge  pour  into  the  windows  of  your  soul. 
We  want  you  —  and  by  you,  I  mean  all  women  —  to 
help  each  other,  to  be  kind  to  each  other,  to  throw 
off  your  shackles  of  servitude  and  become  free  —  all 
equal,  all  great,  all  working  together  for  the  common 
cause  —  equal  rights,  equal  responsibilities,  equal  re- 
wards, equal  punishments. 

Mrs.  Grundy 
Good  heavens,  she  is  obviously  no  lady ! 

Melinda 
If  your  way  of  living,  thinking,  and  acting  are 
those  of  a  lady,  then  I  am  glad  to  dissociate  myself 
from  so  ambiguous  a  term.  I  am  a  woman  first  and 
I  want  to  help  all  women  who  are  blind  and  who 
still  live  in  mental  as  well  as  physical  slavery. 


28  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Mayor  Dooless 

[Stepping  up  in  bellicose  manner'] 

Young  woman,  do  you  fancy  for  one  moment  that 

you  could  take  my  place  as  Mayor  of  the  town  of 

Oshkosh?     For  you  do  want  political  rights  in  this 

hairbrained  scheme  of  yours. 

Melinda 

And  why  am  I  not  as  capable  of  being  Mayor  and 
of  holding  office  as  well  or  as  ill  as  you  do?  [At 
the  word  "  ilV  the  Mayor  squirms.']  You  know 
as  well  as  I  that  this  is  a  wide  open  town.  By  that 
I  mean  that  every  vice  can  flourish  here  by  the 
purveyors  paying  for  their  license  to  carry  on  the 
trade. 

Mayor 

[Indignantly] 

There  is  not  any  more  vice  in  the  streets  of  Osh- 
kosh than  any  other  town  in  the  Union. 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  29 

Melinda 

[Gently] 

Not  any  more  vice  —  there  you  have  touched  the 

crux  of  the  matter.     Why  should  there  not  be  less 

vice   than   in  any   other  town   in   America?     Why 

should  vice,  depravity,  and  crime  be  comparative? 

Mayor 

[Feebly] 
But  if  I  close  these  places,  I'd  be  put  out  of  office 
They  wouldn't  elect  me  a  second  term. 

Melinda 
Who  do  you  mean  by  *'  they  "  ? 

Mayor 

The  citizens  of  this  community. 

Melixda 
But  if  all  the  citizens  had  the  power  to  vote,  you 
would  be  elected  a  second  term.     The  majority  is 
always  for  the  right. 


30  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Mayor 
But  all  the  citizens  do  vote.     Every  Tom,  Dick 
and  Harry  has  a  vote  in  this  town  and  they  use  it 
too,  worse  luck. 

Melinda 
All  the  blacks,  the  negroes,  they  also  are  allowed 
their  vote? 

Mayor 
Yes. 

Melinda 
And  imbeciles,  if  they  are  allowed  at  large,  even 
they  can  vote? 

Mayor 
Absolutely,  yes. 

Melinda 
And  any  farm  hand  or  railroad  laborer,  even  if 
he  can't  spell  or  write,  but  can  just  make  his  mark 
—  he  can  vote  ? 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  31 

Mayor 
Of  course. 

Melinda 
Was  your  late  wife,  whose  good  works  are  still 
the  talk  of  the  town,  the  late  Mrs.  Dooless,  an  in- 
telligent woman,  Mayor? 

Mayor 

[Proudly^ 

Intelligent?     You  bet  your  bottom  dollar  she  was. 

Why,  it  was  she  who  wrote  my  first  speech  in  the 

Democratic  campaign  which  elected  me  to  the  Board 

of  Aldermen. 

Melinda 
Was  she  as  intelligent  as  old  black  Joe,  the  negro 
stable-boy  of  Dr.  Doolittle? 

Mayor 
I   won't  have  the  memory  of  my  late  wife  in- 
sulted, Miss  Melinda  Pepper ! 

Melinda 
I  am  not  insulting  the  memory  of  the  late  Mrs. 
Dooless.     It  is  you  who  are  doing  that. 


32  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Mayor 
What  do  you  mean  ? 

Melinda 
Because  by  denying  women  the  poHtical  right  to 
vote  and  by  allowing  old  black  Joe  that  same  right, 
you  place  old  black  Joe  mentally  and  economically 
in  a  position  superior  to  that  of  the  late  Mrs. 
Dooless,  your  capable  and  very  good  wife. 

Mayor 

[Scratching  his  head] 

Well,  I  really  hadn't  thought  of  it  in  that  way. 

Melinda 
[Returning  to  the  attack] 
Mayor,  what,  exactly,  constitutes  a  citizen  of  a 
country  and  a  member  of  a  community  ? 

Mayor 
[Promptly'] 
A  man  who  pays  his  taxes. 


iMELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  33 

Melinda 
But  women  pay  taxes  just  the  same  as  men  and 
yet  they  have  no  rights.     How  do  you  explain  that  ? 

Mayor 
It  isn't  the  vote  we  mind  you  women  having. 
We  would  give  you  that,  if  you  wouldn't  scream 
for  more.  But  it's  your  holding  office  we  men  ob- 
ject to.  We  can't  stand  for  that.  What  would 
happen  to  the  country  with  a  pack  of  women  howl- 
ing in  the  Senate  and  giving  pink  teas  at  the  White 
House?  Why,  the  whole  country  would  go  to  the 
dogs ! 

Melinda 

The  country  has  been  going  to  the  dogs  for  quite 
a  while  now.  Why  not  give  it  to  the  cats  for  a 
change?  Why,  women  have  proved  their  efficiency 
in  the  arts,  the  professions,  and  the  vocations  which 
have  been  so  long  monopolised  by  men  in  the  past. 
Statistics  teach  us  that  women  make  just  as  good 
surgeons,  lawyers,  architects,  and  in  fact  excel  in 
all  the  practical  arts.     Because  she  has  been  kept 


34  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

a  drudge  for  centuries  past,  the  fine  arts  have  been 
a  closed  book  to  her;  but  from  a  creature  of  utility, 
she  is  rapidly  becoming  a  creature  of  opportunity ; 
and  when  woman  tightens  the  rein  and  puts  the  bit 
on  intellect  and  instinct,  she  will  be  unconquerable. 

[Turning  to  her  sisters] 

And  you,  my  sisters,  so  gifted  and  so  beautiful  — 
how  have  you  spent  the  last  few  years  when  you 
should  have  been  studying,  preparing  yourselves  for 
the  great  day  when  women  will  take  their  proper 
places  in  the  world  ?  "  Vanity  " —  has  been  your 
watchword  — *'  Vanity  "  alone  has  been  your  guid- 
ing star ! 

[Mrs.  Pepper^  who  has  been  more  and 
more  converted,  suddenly  Hings  discretion 
to  the  winds'] 

Mrs.  Pepper 
Girls,  girls,  put  away  your  curls !     If  the  men 
won't  be  prepared,  we'll  show  them  that  the  women 
are  for  preparedness  anyhow ! 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  35 

[Song:  ''Girls,  Girls,  Put  Away  Your 
Curls/'  All  join,  drilling,  etc.,  going  into 
Finale:     "  Carry  On  !  "] 


Curtain 


SELECTED  LYRICS 


MELINDA'S  ENTRANCE 

Melinda 
Once  when  I  was  a  little  girl, 
Not  very  long  ago, 

I  dreamed  a  dream  made  my  head  whirl, 
The  dream  some  day  you  shall  know. 

Children 
We  have  come  with  you, 
Our  dreams  are  true. 

Melinda 
And  so  illusions,  they  come  and  go, 
I  am  older  now  and  wise,  I  know. 

Children 
Oh  no! 

Melinda 
I  dreamed  of  a  world  so  fair  and  wide 
39 


40  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Framed  by  the  stars  above; 

And  in  this  world  was  naught  beside: 

Sympathy,  hope,  and  love. 


THE  WALTZ 

I  am  tired  to-night, 

And  I'm  weary  of  bright 

Restless  eyes,  carmine  lips. 

Drooping  shoulder; 

And  I  feel  that  before 

My  brief  life  is  o'er, 

And  the  wiser  I  grow  and  older, 

I  should  give  up  all 

Dances,  flirtation  and  balls, 

These  society  teas 

And  afternoon  calls ; 

For  I  still  remember 

The  dear  days  when  you 

Taught  me  a  dance  that  was  new. 

Refrain 
'Twas  a  waltz,  dear, 
You  taught  me  that  night, 
41 


42  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

In  the  waltz,  dear, 

You  held  me  so  tight; 

As  we  glided  together 

On  love's  dreamy  strain, 

The  throb  of  the  violins 

Crept  into  my  brain. 

Now  though  I  have  half  forgotten  your  name, 

And  I  have  waltzed  oft  with  others. 

It  is  never  the  same ; 

And  I'd  give  my  fame, 

Fortune  and  all  for  the  right. 

Could  we  waltz  once  again,  dear,  to-night. 

Now  at  first  'twas  a  task,  dear, 

To  get  you  to  ask 

For  my  programme 

To  write  down  your  name. 

And  I  don't  know  why 

But  you  made  me  feel  shy, 

Though  I  wished  you  to  stay 

Just  the  same. 

And  oh,  how  I  wish 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  43 

We  had  played  bigger  parts, 
And  ceased  to  dissemble, 
And  laid  bare  our  hearts ! 
Then  I'd  have  been  yours, 
And  you'd  have  been  mine: 
Together  in  Life's  Waltz  divine ! 


NURSE'S  SONG 

Man  thinks  of  woman  in  moments  of  leisure, 
Bringing  him  pleasure  to  claim  and  caress. 
Man  finds  in  woman  a  prize  he  could  treasure, 
Gold  beyond  measure  in  sorrow  or  stress. 
Whether  in  battle  the  fight  has  been  hard  for  you, 
When  you  have  sickness  or  harm  that  is  dire, 
There's  a  friend  with  a  tender  regard  for  you, 
Woman,  the  best  that  man  can  desire. 

Come  to  us,  send  for  us. 

When  you  are  broken  or  sorry  or  sad. 

If  you  want  aid  of  us, 

Don't  be  afraid  of  us. 

We  will  be  tender  and  render  you  glad. 

Only  take  heed  of  us. 

If  you  have  need  of  us, 

44 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  45 

We  can  bring  light  to  your  eye  once  again. 

We  want  a  share  of  you, 

We  will  take  care  of  you, 

Tend  you  and  mend  you  and  save  you  from  pain. 


GOLF 

There's  a  game  that  every  fellow  loves  to  play : 
Golfing  is  the  game  to-day  that  holds  the  sway ; 
If  you  play  it  as  you  really  ought  to  do, 
There  is  nothing  like  it,  I'll  explain  to  you. 
Now  all  you  want  is  just  a  girl  of  seventeen. 
Just  about  the  greenest  thing  upon  the  green. 
Never  mind  your  playing,  always  keep  on  saying, 
That  you  love  her — is  all  that  you  need. 
Just  get  your  little  mashie  and  your  maid 
And  I  will  tell  you  how  the  game  is  played. 

Refrain 
First  give  your  girl  a  kiss. 
That  part  you  mustn't  miss. 
Then  drive  —  and  kiss  some  more 
(Ta  ra-ta  ra-ta  ra) 
Then  you  postpone  the  play, 
46 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  47 

Look  in  her  eyes  and  say : 
"  Cuddle  up  near  me, 
We're  in  a  bunker,  dearie." 
Then  round  her  dainty  waist 
Your  arm  is  quickly  placed, 
With  love  you're  all  on  fire. 
You  hug  and  tease  her, 
Cuddle  and  squeeze  her. 
But  while  you're  dreaming 
You  hear  somebody  screaming, 
"Fore!     Fore!     Fore!" 
Then  your  game  is  o'er. 
And  you  can  start  over  again. 


DUBLIN  MOLLY-O 

There's  a  little  town  in  Ireland 
And  Dublin  is  its  name; 
There's  not  a  place  in  all  the  world 
That  I  love  quite  the  same ; 
The  girls  they  are  the  sweetest  there 
An'  tho  I'm  far  from  home 
Soon  I'll  go  back  to  Molly-O 
And  make  her  all  my  own. 
And  then  there'll  be  a  bonny  babe 
As  taxes  to  the  king 
An'  if  e'er  he  sees  my  Molly-O 
Like  me  he's  sure  to  sing, 
Flora,  Cora,  Polly, 
Dolly,  Norah, 

I  never  could  adore  a  girl  like  you; 
And  with  Sallie  —  Callie, 
I  really  couldn't  dally 
48 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  49 

Tho  you  live  in  Lovers'  Alley 
And  to  me  you'd  be  so  true; 
There's  not  another  —  mother  — 
A  sister,  friend  or  brother, 
Like  a  little  Irish  lass  I  know. 
With  "  Because  I  came  from  Dublin," 
'Tis  me  you're  always  troublin'. 
Arrah  go  on  but 
I  love  my  Molly-O. 


LEGS 

Some  tell  people  by  their  bumps, 
Or  by  their  palms,  they  say ; 
And  if  upon  your  head  you've  lumps, 
They'll  give  you  dead  away. 
Cranks  who  claim  to  tell  about 
Your  traits  by  the  way  you  talk, 
But  the  surest  way  to  tell  a  man 
Is  by  his  legs  and  walk. 

Refrain 
Can't  you  tell  a  lady  from  the  city? 
Can't  you  tell  a  Jacky  from  the  sea? 
By  her  walk  you  know  she  must  be  pretty, 
By  his  legs  a  nut  he'd  like  to  be. 
50 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  51 

Can't  you  tell  that  she  is  glad  he's  found  her 
Can't  you  see  that  she's  been  in  the  dregs  ? 
Can't  you  tell  that  he's  a  perfect  bounder? 
In  fact,  there's  nothing  one  can't  learn  from  legs. 


"  HELLO,  HELLO  " 
(Words  and  Music  by  Elsa  Maxwell) 
I've  got  a  secret 
That  I've  shared  with  none, 
A  secret  that  is  very  dear 
I'll  tell  to  only  one 
If  I  find  that  some  one  answers  me. 
I  cannot  keep  it  more, 
When  it's  all  about  some  one  that  I  adore. 
So  Exchange  please  give  me 
I  L-O-V-E  Y-O-U 

And  please  don't  say  "  engaged  "  unless  to  some  one 
true. 

Refrain 
Hello,  hello,  isn't  there  a  fellow 
Who  will  answer  at  the  other  end? 
Now  it  is  very  strange 
That  I  can't  get  exchange  (don't  cut  me  off) 
52 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  53 

To  connect  me  with  a  gentlemanly  friend ! 

Hello,  hello,  haven't  you  a  number? 

Hello,  hello,  haven't  you  a  name? 

There  must  be  some  one  on  some  'phone 

Who  wants  me  for  his  very  own. 

So  hello,  hello. 

If  you're  not  a  dunce, 

You'll  say  hello,  hello,  at  once. 


GIRLS,  GIRLS,   PUT  AWAY  YOUR  CURLS 

For  a  thousand  years  or  so, 

Since  many  moons  ago, 

Men  have  ruled  us  women  East  and  West. 

From  the  cave  man  in  his  lair 

To  the  flyer  in  the  air. 

To  keep  us  women  down  they  thought  was  best. 

But  turned  now  is  the  tide, 

And  we  cannot  be  denied. 

We  are  coming  in  our  millions  to  enhance; 

For  they  need  us  great  and  small, 

And  we'll  gladly  give  our  all 

To  show  what  we  can  do  if  we've  the  chance. 

Refrain 
So  girls,  girls,  put  away  your  curls, 
Put  away  your  petticoats  and  frills ! 
Step  right  into  line ; 
Cease  now  to  repine; 

54 


MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS  s^ 

We'll  show  them  that  we  all  can  learn  to  drill. 

Left!     Right!     We  can  stand  the  pace. 

'Tention  !     Halt !     Right  about  face ! 

But  we've  done  with  teas  and  balls ; 

We've  forgotten  how  to  dance ; 

We'll  show  what  we  can  do  if  we've  the  chance ! 


CARRY  ON! 

(Dedicated  to  Mrs.  O.  H.  P.  Belmont) 
What  ardent  hopes  inspire  us, 
With  the  women  marching  by ! 
Both  young  and  old  turned  toward  the  goal, 
For  the  cause  that  never  dies ; 
The  music  swelling  wakes  the  echoes, 
Makes  the  great  hearts  glow; 
It  tells  us  that  our  warriors  bold, 
Like  Knights  of  Long  Ago, 
When  they  rode  forth  to  defend  the  Grail, 
For  Freedom's  sake  they  can  never  fail ! 

Refrain 
Carry  on;  carry  on! 
For  Victory's  flag  that  flies. 
Carry  on !  that  our  work 
Will  never  be  in  vain. 
56 


MELINDA  AND  lltK  SISTER*^  '     '  "57 

Who  lives  if  Freedom  dies? 

Are  we  downhearted  ?     No !  No !  No  ! 

For  the  beacon  Hght 

Will  shine  a  long  long  way ; 

Carry  on  and  fear  no  foe ! 

Now  when  my  span  of  life  is  run, 

And  I  falter  on  life's  way; 

And  the  children  gather  at  my  knee, 

They  will  listen  when  I  say : 

Your  mother,  dears,  fought  for  the  right. 

To  free  you  from  the  yoke. 

Worn  by  all  women  till  the  time 

The  voice  of  action  spoke; 

That's  what  your  mother  did,  my  dears, 

When  she  broke  the  servitude  of  years. 

Refrain 
Carry  on  ;  carry  on ! 
For  Victory's  flag  that  flies. 
Carry  on!  that  our  work 
Will  never  be  in  vain. 
Who  lives  if  Freedom  dies? 


58  MELINDA  AND  HER  SISTERS 

Are  we  downhearted?     No!  No!  No! 
For  the  light  of  knowledge 
Shines  a  long  long  way; 
Carry  on  to  crush  the  foe ! 


TO  BE  PUBLISHED  IN  APRIL 

THE  VALLEY 
OF  LEBANON 

By  HELEN  S.WRIGHT 

Author  of  ''The  Great  White  Norths  etc. 

This  is  a  story  of  the  Berkshire  Hills — 
that  most  beautiful  section  of  New  Eng- 
land which  is  the  Mecca  of  the  motorist. 
Filled  with  the  natural  beauty  of  the  coun- 
try, athrill  with  human  life  and  emotion, 
The  Valley  of  Lebanon  is  marked  by  the 
keen  observation  and  graphic  touch  so  char- 
acteristic of  this  author. 

Price,  $i.oo  net 

ROBERT  J.  SHORES,  Publisher 
New  York 


ANTE  UP!  ANTE  UP! 

THE  PENNY 
ANTE  CLUB 

By 
ARTHUR  J.  SHORES 

The  first  and  funniest  book  of  1916 

$1.00  Net 

Your  dealer  has  it 

Your  neighbor  has  it 

YOU  MUST  HAVE  IT 

GET  IT  TO-DAY 

ANTE  UP!  ANTE  UP! 


ROBERT  J.  SHORES,  Publisher 

1961-1977  Broadway 

New  York 


,%/ 


